


because of you

by hatae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Best Friends, Confusion, Denial of Feelings, Drunken Kissing, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, House Party, Light Angst, M/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-04-24 00:58:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19162558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatae/pseuds/hatae
Summary: "I kissed like three different people just now. I atually initially came in here to get rid of my boner", Jaemin says airily. Then he gasps and he starts turning Jeno over.Jeno groans, but doesn't resist him. "Jaem-""You still wanna do some nsfw stuff, Jeno Lee?", his best friend asks with a twinkle in his eyes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's been like 3 months since my last fic. i haven't really been feeling in a very writing mood, so when i suddenly had inspiration i took the chance to write (like 2 days before an exam, but let's ignore that). i might be a little out of practice, but i hope you guys still enjoy it!!

"Jeno!"  
Jeno nearly jumps out of his skin as his door is thrown open. He takes his headphones off and glares at the culprit, who is currently giving him a nasty look.  
"What the hell, Jaem. Warn a guy before bursting in like that. I could've been doing god knows what in here."

 

The glare on his best friend’s face is briefly replaced by a small grin.

 

"What? Like jacking off. At this point we both know you have the sense to only do that when I'm sleeping-"

"Unlike you", Jeno shudders, recalling the one time he'd burst in unannounced and found Jaemin with his hand down his trousers watching some strange animated porn. He would've never let Jaemin live it down if they hadn't both been super awkward after that. It was in the days after that particular incident that Jeno learned that Jaemin indeed had at least some shame.

 

"Unlike me", Jaemin nods, before scowling again. "Also unlike you I actually have ears. What the fuck, man? I've called you like five times now. I guess we don't answer in this household anymore, huh?"

Jeno rolls his eyes and points to his headphones. They're not usually like this, him and Jaemin. There's a reason they're renting an apartment together and it's not because they're always at each other’s throats.

  
They actually get along great, it's just that Jaemin's been having a tough time at work lately, whilst Jeno has been studying for his finals.

 

They were roommates and became fast friends in college. Jaemin graduated a year ago, while Jeno, because of switching majors two years in, still has two more years to go.

  
Not that he really minds, though. He'd rather spend more time learning to do something he actually likes, than spend the rest of his life doing something he knows he'll grow tired of within a year.

Well, that's how he usually thinks anyway. Right now he'd rather just be doing anything else than study for his finals.  
"How loud do you put your music?", Jaemin asks, coming to sit on Jeno's desk, Jeno is able to quickly snatch and save some paper from inevitable getting crumbled under Jaemin's inconsiderate ass.

 

"What are you listening to anyway?"

  
He clicks away from the powerpoint Jeno's been studying and instead opens the youtube tab.  
"Top 10 sad anime ost's?", Jaemin reads, amused.

 

"It's because if autoplay", Jeno blurts, like a fool. Showing weakness to Na Jaemin of all people.

 

"Oh _really_?"  
Jeno knows that little lilt in his voice. He knows teasing is about to follow.

 

"So why were you calling for me anyway?", He asks quickly and Jaemin, the even bigger fool, falls for it.

"Oh...yeah, you know that party I've been talking about?", Jaemin asks.

  
Jeno frowns.

 

"You know, Donghyuck's. I've talked about him. He's a co-worker of mine. The one I actually do get along with?"

  
Jeno nods. That's the only one Jaemin hasn’t been complaining about these past few weeks.

  
"Well, he's holding this party and I don't think I'm gonna know anyone there, so I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?"  
Jeno opens his mouth and Jaemin quickly holds his hands up.

  
"Wait wait, I know what you're gonna say. _'Uh, I need to study for my finals, Jaem. I need to think about my future and stuff'_ ", Jaemin says in the worst impression of himself he's ever heard and he’s friends with both Chenle and Jisung. Both self-certified experts in imitating Jeno.

  
"But hear me out. You've been studying for like two weeks now and you're still got four days till your final. I know you're gonna do well. You always do...so I honestly think you're allowed his one night of relaxation."

  
Jeno's reluctance must still be showing on his face because Jaemin juts out his bottom lip and grabs Jeno's face between his hands.

 

"Please Jeno? For me?"

  
And Jeno caves. Like he always does with Jaemin.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He's regretting it as soon as he enters this Donghyuck’s house. It's packed with people who are clearly already drunk.  
So it's that kind of party. Fucking great. Now Jeno'll be the only sober one, because he's not about to have a hangover tomorrow.

 

Jaemin is grinning as some dude that’s loudly singing runs passed them. He grabs Jeno by the arm and drags him inside, babbling about introducing him to Donghyuck and getting some beer.  
In the end Jeno does get introduced to Donghyuck’s. A slightly shorter man with wild hair who has clearly already had way too much to drink.  
He's giggly and at some point he puts a big cup full of unknown liquid into Jeno's hand and drags Jaemin off somewhere.

 

Jeno should've probably anticipated this was going to happen at some point.  
He finishes the glass in ten minutes, realizes halfway through that it's definitely not just red bull and decides to just make the most of it.

 

He ends up talking to a girl he actually really gets along with. She's got long hair, pretty big eyes and full lips. She's funny. Or at least he thinks she is, but at this point he’ll probably laugh at everything anyone says to him. He also finishes two more cups with the unknown liquid that isn't quite red bull.

 

  
"You want to come home with me?", she asks lowly when the party's cooling down a bit. He contemplates it, it's been a long while since he got a laid, but then the sensible part of his brain that sounds annoyingly like Mark Lee finally decides to make an appearance and he politely declines. Telling her he's got an exam in literally three days.

 

She's chill about it and they do end up stitching out phone numbers.

  
As he watches her leave the fact that he's literally got an exam in three days and he’s here, drunk as hell at a party he didn’t want to come to in the first place comes crashing down on him.  
He groans and decides to groggily retreat for a whole.

  
In the end he miraculously finds a room with no people in compromising positions.  
He flops facedown onto on the bed and closes his eyes. Tuning out the murmur of dozens of people downstairs.

 

He hasn’t even lain there for thirty seconds or the door opens. Jeno groans and lifts his head. His vision is kind of blurry and the person's illuminated by the light outside, so he doesn’t recognize them.  
It is just one person, though. Jeno almost laughs. That would've been rich. A couple too busy making out to notice Jeno laying in the bed entering and then falling onto him.

 

"Jeno?" the person slurs and then he's got a heavy weight on his back.

  
"Jaem, get off", he whines.

  
"Lovely to see you too, best friend", Jaemin says, rolling so he's laying next to Jeno.

 

Jeno buries his head into the blankets. Willing the world to stop wobbling.  
"Y'know I'm starting to see why this wasn’t that good of an idea", Jaemin says after a long silence.

  
"Oh?", Jeno says.

 

"Yeah, I just got a text from my boss. Apparently I've got to get that deal by Monday. It is currently 2 AM on a Saturday", Jaemin says and Jeno knows for a fact that sober Jaemin would be panicking right about now. He hates working on weekends.

  
"I could've gotten laid, you know that", Jeno moans. "But I have to study, so I refrained"

  
"Yeah, I kissed like three different people just now. I initially came in here to get rid of my boner", Jaemin says airily. Then he gasps and he starts turning Jeno over.

Jeno groans, but doesn't resist him. "Jaem-"

  
"You still wanna do some nsfw stuff, Jeno Lee?", his friend asks with a twinkle in his eyes.

  
"What?"

 

"I mean, with me. It'd help us both with our issues", Jaemin slurs reasonably as he stares down at Jeno. Jeno snorts.

 

"What? You wanna fuck in your colleague's bed?", he asks jokingly. As he says it vague alarm bells start ringing in his head. In his drunken state he can easily ignore them, though.  
"Well, not _fuck_ necessarily, but like make out a little bit. Come on, Jeno", his best friend says and he's so close that Jeno can smell the beer in his breath.

 

His breath hitches when the other boy leans down, so close that their lips are almost touching. Then he laughs, amused at himself because this is _Jaemin_.

  
"Please Jeno?", he whispers he pulls out the puppy dog eyes and Jeno caves. Like he always does.

 

 

"Fine", he sighs and against all better judgement he grabs the back of Jaemin's head and pulls him down. He can feel Jaemin's victorious grin against his lips.

  
The kiss starts off clumsy, with both of them a little too drunk for precision and perfect teamwork, they bump noses and couple of times, which makes them both laugh against each other lips.

This is nice, though, Jeno thinks as they eventually settle on a languid pace. He can smell Jaemin through all that alcohol and it's oddly comforting. It makes him relax completely as their lips move against each other.

 

Then Jaemin prods his tongue against his lips and Jeno immediately complies. At first Jaemin's still kind of careful, still slow. Then Jeno grips his hair a little tighter and tilts his head to grant himself better access and it's as if a button’s been pushed.

 

Jaemin groans and he places both his hands next to Jeno's head, effectively caging Jeno as he starts kissing him in earnest. Tongues sliding together.

  
Jeno goes along with it, he would be lying if he said it didn't excite him a little bit.

  
When they stop they're both panting, Jeno can feel the short puffs of breaths against his cheeks as Jaemin presses their foreheads together.

 

 

"Wow", Jaemin pants quietly as he stares off into the distance.  
"Why'd you stop?", Jeno whispers as he drops his hands from Jaemin's hair and his best friend looks down at him with wonder in his eyes.

 

"You...", he starts, but then he seems to change his mind as he kisses Jeno again.  
This time Jaemin’s rougher and more insistent as one of his hands curls around Jeno’s neck and he tilts it just a little bit. Jeno lets out a satisfied sigh and their tongues slide together.

 

With nowhere to place his hands his full intention is to pull Jaemin on top of him, he succeeds. Kind of.  
He manages to pull Jaemin half on top and then he feels the raging boner Jaemin mentioned against his leg. Jaemin lets out a groan and shudders.

 

They both freeze and Jaemin quickly scrambles off of him and off the bed. Jeno stares at him, feeling oddly as if he's broken some kind of unsaid rule between them. He refuses to stare down at Jaemin's pants. Instead looking at Jaemin's flushed face.

  
"Jaem...", he says breathlessly.

 

"I should...probably...y'know", Jaemin says, voice tight as he all but runs out. Leaving the door standing wide open and the noise from outside seems to suddenly bring Jeno back to reality. He sits there and tries to compose himself.

  
He somehow makes it back to their apartment and sees that Jaemin's shoes and jacket are already there. For a second the absurd thought to join Jaemin in his bed enters his mind, then he quickly shakes it off and heads straight to his own room.

 

He falls asleep right away.

 

* * *

 

When Jeno wakes up he's blissfully unaware of what's gone down the night before for all of ten minutes.

  
He first discovers to his relief that he doesn’t have a hangover and goes to the kitchen feeling pretty good about himself. He makes himself some cereal and sits down to play some game on his phones as he eats.

  
Then the bathroom opens and he already grins and starts asking: "How we feeling, sunsh-?"

 

Then their eyes catch and Jeno sees the guarded expression on Jaemin's face, the out of place tightness of his lips and the downturned eyebrows. He falls silent as memories from the night before enter his mind.

  
Jeno retreating upstairs, Jaemin entering the room, Jaemin offering to make out, them kissing, them actually properly making out, Jaemin-

 

Instinctively Jeno's eyes flicker down his friend's naked chest and towards his crotch, now covered by a towel instead of the skinny jeans he was wearing the day before.

 

As soon as he's done so he curses himself. He quickly looks back up at Jaemin's face, but the damage is already done. There’s now a slightly pained and betrayed expression covering his face. Mostly he just looks embarrassed, though. 

 

 

Jeno can relate, he flushes and quickly ducks his head back down. Pretending to be immersed in the game on his phone, while in reality he’s just mindlessly tapping as his mind reels.

 

"I'm fine", Jaemin says shortly, then. "I'll be out today to make sure I've got that deal, okay? Don’t…wait up for me."

 

  
Jeno doesn't trust his voice and simply nods.

 

He only relaxes when Jaemin’s well out of the apartment about ten minutes later. As soon as the door closes he buries his face in his hands and curses himself and Jaemin’s stupid _fucking_ puppy eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys, after literally _no_ requests for me to come back i am finally back with another chapter lmao

The awkwardness becomes stale really quick. If it hadn't been for the fact that Jeno is literally learning every available hour he'd talk to Jaemin about him being a real piece of work and that leaving a room whenever Jeno enters it isn’t going to help their situation, neither is only talking about Jeno’s exams.

 

 

It's almost a routine. Jeno enters the room, Jaemin freezes and slowly looks up to meet Jeno's gaze. He then seemingly forces himself to either ask: "How was your exam?" or "How's studying going?"

And then, when Jeno answers he nods, gives Jeno an awkward smile and retreats to his room.

  
Which Jeno now rolls his eyes at, because oh my god it's not like he stays long anyway.

 

 

"This has got to stop", he announces when Jaemin gives him his familiar awkward smile and starts getting up the day after his last exam.

  
Jaemin's face falls and he slumps in his seat.

 

 

"I know", he groans and Jeno walks over to him, puts his laptop aside and takes its place on the table in front of Jaemin. Jaemin swallows nervously as he eyes him.

"I don't want to do this anymore than you do, believe me. But...we need to talk about this", Jeno forces himself to say. It's not that they don’t talk about their feelings. It's just that they’re both not very good at wording them. And these are unfamiliar feelings.

 

"We do", Jaemin supplies unhelpfully, still looking up at him. Looking almost fearful of what Jeno is going to say.

 

Jeno sighs. "Look, Jaem. I was drunk...you were drunk. We weren't thinking clearly and we made out. People do it all the time, it's _fine_!"

Despite his brave words Jeno can feel his ears redden.

 

"Yeah, but most guys don't do it with their best friend. Especially their guy best friends", Jaemin says quietly and Jeno supposes Jaemin does have a point there.

Jeno's never really put a label on his sexuality. He hadn't ever kissed a dude, so how was he supposed to know if he was attracted to them or now?

 

  
Now he knows. He's just not really sure how he feels about Jaemin being his bisexual awakening.

 

 

His throat is suddenly dry.

 

"Did you...not like it?", he asks hesitantly. Jaemin looks up at him disbelievingly, before he looks surly.

 

"You know the answer to that", he hisses then and Jeno frowns, confused at the sudden mood change.

 

 

"What?"

 

"Are you kidding me, Jeno? I literally-", Jaemin snarls, before falling silent and burying his face in his hands. Then he mutters something Jeno can't catch.

 

"Come again?", he says.

 

Jaemin mutters the same thing, still equally as muffled. Jeni huffs. "I'm still not gonna understand you if you're just gonna keep squishing your face in your hands, Na."

 

Jaemin abruptly stands and basically screams in Jeno's face.

"I said: I literally came in my pants! Did you catch it now, Jeno Lee?", at that he brings his face closer to Jeno's. So close that Jeno can basically count all his eyelashes. The older boy abruptly leans back, the only thing keeping him from loosing his balance are Jaemin's hands gripping his thighs.

 

 

Jeno would feel guilty for bringing that particular incident up and embarrassing Jaemin if it hadn't been for the fact that their current position is oddly compromising.  
A panting and red-faced Jaemin is currently crowding Jeno, who's sitting on the table with both his thighs basically clutching Jaemin as he's gripping them.

 

Jeno stares at his best friend, actually stares at him as the former tries to calm down. It's not as if Jeno didn't know he was handsome. Objectively, Jaemin's just a handsome guy. He's got a small face, a manly jawline, big eyes, a well proportioned nose and...Jeno's eyes involuntarily slide down, plump lips that are _really_ nice to kiss. As he's come to find out. 

 

When his treacherous eyes travel to Jaemin's eyes again he catches the other boy quickly looking up as well.

 

The air between them is thick now and the only thing stopping Jeno from promptly leaning forward and kissing Jaemin again is the fact that he doesn’t want a repetition from the last couple of weeks.

 

He scratches his throat and says: "Right...sorry, I shouldn't have...y'know…I shouldn’t gave brought it up."

 

  
Jaemin snatches his hands back from Jeno's thighs, as if they're suddenly unbearably hot and sits back down again. Jeno finally feels like he can properly breathe. "Yeah, well...I was the one who practically yelled it in your face. Sorry about that."

 

He's not looking at Jeno. Which is a good thing, because Jeno's mind is in shambles. Did he really just think about wanting to kiss Jaemin. While he was sober? _Jaemin?_

 

"It's okay", he says tightly.

 

"Jeno?", Jaemin asks worriedly and Jeno looks back down at him.

 

 

"I really am sorry, I didn't mean to make you so uncomfortable", his best friend says shakily before biting his trembling lip and for a second Jeno's afraid he'll start crying.  
That clears his head right up. The need to comfort Jaemin bigger than any unwelcome feelings.

"Hey, Jaem", he says gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Who says I'm uncomfortable?"

 

  
Jaemin gives him a look.

 

 

"No. Seriously! I’m kind of flattered, really. I mean, it’s not everyday someone creams their pants for me”, Jeno jokes and Jaemin stares at him with big eyes. For a second Jeno’s scared he’s royally fucked up, but then Jaemin sniggers.

 

“Has it ever occurred to you that the friction led me to my relief and not you, you narcissistic little asshole?”, he laughs and Jeno feels relief come over him. A sense of normalcy, at last.

 

He grabs his heart and gasps. “Impossible, I mean, have you seen these cheekbones? Who could resist?”

 

Jaemin stands up, pulling him off the table ("Jaemin", Jeno yelps as he unsteadily lands on his feet) and dragging him over to the couch.

 

“Yeah yeah, Casanova. Shut up and relax. I’ll put on a movie, you’ve deserved it after working so hard.”

 

 

And as they watch some random Michael Bay movie Jaemin's put on the former sits all the way on one side of the couch, whilst Jeno on the other. It just feels completely _wrong_ and it takes all Jeno has to not cross the couch just to be close to him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It takes a while for Jeno to come to terms with the fact that each time he sees Jaemin he feels like kissing him and that his heart skips a beat whenever Jaemin smiles at him. He wouldn’t necessarily call it a crush per say, just a slight infatuation with his bisexual awakening.

 

 

A small voice in the back of his head laughs hysterically at that whenever he barely keeps from leaning into Jaemin when he stands next to him or when he stares at Jaemin just a tad too long or when he feels like crying, because when did Jaemin get so fucking handsome?

 

 

“What’s up between you and Jaem?”, Chenle asks when he and Jisung are over to celebrate their results. They all passed their classes. Jisung is especially relieves, because of it being his first year.

 

Jeno glances to the bathroom door that Jaemin just closed.

 

 

“What do you mean?”

 

He tries for nonchalance, but his voice is two octaves too high for it to be anywhere near convincing.

 

Immediately there’s two squeaky voices mockingly parroting him. ‘”What do you mean?”

 

Jeno rolls his eyes. “Yeah, real mature, guys. Wow.”

 

They both giggle, incredibly satisfied with themselves for getting a rise out of Jeno.

Then Jisung asks: “But seriously, what’s up between you two?”

 

“What gives you the idea that anything’s up between us”, Jeno says with a small huff, nervously eyeing the bathroom door again. As if Jaemin’s gonna come at any time to point an accusatory finger at him and yell at him for practically having a crush on him.

 

“Um, I don’t know? Maybe the fact that you guys used to be all over each other last time we saw you two together and now you’re literally sitting on the opposite side of the couch and you’re not even looking at each other”, Chenle says matter-of-factly.

 

Jeno’s thinks back on them before the kiss and he remembers a lot of lap-sitting, hugging and just all around PDA. Right now he can’t even imagine himself sitting on Jaemin’s lap without spontaneously combusting. It fucking _sucks._

 

He must’ve been silent for too long, because suddenly there’s a hand on his arm. When he looks up he sees that Chenle and Jisung both staring worriedly at him, the latter holding his arm.

 

“Did you guys fight?”, Jisung asks quietly.

 

“No, no, we didn’t fight. It’s stupid, really”, Jeno confesses, surprising himself when he feels a pressure building behind his eyes.

 

 

“Clearly it’s not”, Jisung says, shaking him a bit. “When you’re this upset about it.”

 

 

And it’s then that Jeno realizes that Jisung isn’t the kid he used to be. He supposes it makes sense, he’s not thirteen anymore. He’s eighteen, all grown up and one year into college. Having seen him gown up from so close, he just hadn’t properly seen it happen.

 

“You can tell us, Jeno”, Chenle assures him softly.

 

And Jeno nearly does. He’s _this_ close to telling them all about the kiss, the awkwardness after it, the stupid fucking feelings he has for his best friend that just won’t go away.

 

But the door to the bathroom opens and Jaemin exits. Jeno abruptly stands up and loudly announces that he’s gonna go grab some snacks. He feels all their gazes on his back as he open the cupboard.

It’s just that the last things he needs is for Jaemin to notice his wet eyes and ask him about it.

 

Jaemin smiles at him when he sets the pringles down on the table.

“Look at this guy, always thinking about me and my poor stomach. Thanks, Jeno!”, he exclaims as he grabs the pringles and shoves about a dozen of them into his mouth.

 

Immediately Jisung and Chenle are screeching and trying to take the pringles from him. Jeno laughs as Chenle practically shoves his fingers into Jaemin’s mouth to try and save some pringles that haven’t been sullied by Jaemin’s spit.

 

 

“You are so fucking gross, Na”, he says with disgust when Jaemin is forced to spit out the big ball of half chewed pringles into a napkin when it inevitably turns out he can’t possibly swallow all of them. Chenle and Jisung groan in agreement.

 

“You love it”, Jaemin winks and Jeno doesn’t have an answer to that, because no matter how gross Jaemin is, he can’t deny the way his heart skipped a beat at that dumbass wink.

 

 

“You wish”, he scoffs instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty this chapter is a lil shorter, bc i couldn't possibly cut it off in the next scene without it being weird :/
> 
> bUT prepare for a longer one the next time i upload!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah apparently it's been a month wow sorry, dudes!!

“Where are you going?”, Jeno asks as he gapes at Jaemin from his place on the couch. The reason he asks is because it’s a Saturday evening and it’s movie night and yet there Jaemin stands in his black skinny jeans with, plain white t-shirt and leather jacket.

 

“Oh, I didn’t tell you? I’ve got a date”, Jaemin says matter-of-factly.

 

Jeno stares at him stupidly for a couple of seconds as Jaemin puts on his fancy shoes. The ones he usually reserves for company dinners or fancy restaurants with Jeno. He likes showing Jeno fancy restaurants.

 

“What about movie night?”, Jeno asks dumbly.

 

Jaemin snorts. “I’m sure we can miss one movie night, Jeno.”

 

“Right…”, Jeno lets out an embarrassed laugh. “Stupid of me.”

 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything as he straightens his jacket and puts his phone and wallet in his pocket. Jeno blinks and looks back to the tv, but no words truly register to him. It’s like there’s only one thing going through his mind.

 

“Who are you going on a date with?”, he asks, not looking back at Jaemin.

 

“Oh, you know how I said I made out with like three girls at Hyuck’s party? I asked one of them out. The second…no, the third one. She was fucking hot, man”, Jaemin says and Jeno hears him open the door. “I mean, I had that boner for a reason, you know.”

 

 

Jeno doesn’t answer, he keeps staring at the television. As if that can keep somehow keep him grounded.

“Don’t wait up for me”, Jaemin says before he closes the door.

 

And Jeno finally turns around and stares at the closed door. Hoping Jaemin will come back in and exclaim that it was all a joke. He doesn’t, of course.

 

 

“Fuck.” He lets out a trembling sigh. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”

 

The last fuck he yells out as he gets up and paces.

 

Who the hell does Jaemin think he is? Making him feel like this? Last time Jeno checked they were best friends. True, they were best friends that made out at a party once, but that doesn’t mean Jaemin has the right to make him feel like he’s just some piece of ass Jaemin happened to kiss at said stupid party.

 

It’s good Jaemin isn’t coming back tonight, because Jeno swears he’ll kick him out himself if he dares show his sheepish face again tonight.

He sits there seething for a couple more minutes, before an idea pops up in his mind.

Two can play the game his dick of a best friend is playing. It’s not like Jaemin’s the only one that has game. He opens his phone and searches between his contacts. In no time he finds her. ‘Random girl at party’.

 

 

He cringes a little at himself. Drunk him is a dick. That makes two of them, he guesses.

 

He’s about to call her when he hesitates.

He hasn’t contacted her since the party a month ago. Hell, he hasn’t even thought about her until now…and no matter how he looks at it he’s not doing this for himself, nevermind her, he’s doing this to spite Jaemin.

Jaemin, who, for all he knows, doesn’t give a shit who he sleeps with. It’s true that it’d probably just be a quick fuck, but in the end he gains nothing. And all that’ll happen is that he’ll feel shitty for using her to get back at someone.

 

 

He sighs and calls Jisung instead. He’s always good at distracting Jeno.

 

“Hey, what’s up?”, Jisung asks and Jeno

 

 

"Want to watch a movie with me?", he asks and he can practically hear Jisung’s brain buffering on the other side of the line.

"But isn't that your and Jaemin's thing?", he asks carefully and Jeno supposes that makes sense. They have talked about Saturday movie night more than once in their friends' presence.

  
"Jaemin isn't here", he says stiffly. And there must’ve been something in his voice because Jeno hears Jisung getting up on the other side of the line: "Alright hyung, I'll be over in a couple of minutes."

 

 

"Okay", Jeno sighs. "Thanks."

  
Jisung is there in five minutes, giving him a calculating look as Jeno motions for him to come inside. He does and doesn't wait for Jeno to say anything as he pulls off his shoes and sits on the couch. Like he owns the place. Which, granted, he kinda does, as both Jeno and Jaemin would try to give the moon to him if he only asked. 

 

"You want anything to drink?", Jeno asks.

  
"A beer is okay", Jisung says and Jeno lets out a laugh.  
"Yeah, no chance, buddy. You're like twelve", he says with a small shake of the head.

 

"Hyung, I'm literally legally an adult. Also, a college student", Jisung says and Jeno comes to the conclusion that the whole entire world is changing and he's just not coping well. At all.  
"Fine", he mutters as he takes out two beers and hands one to Jisung.

 

Jisung nods in thanks and takes a sip. Jeno has to avert his eyes, because Jisung drinking alcohol just seems wrong. He takes a sip himself.

  
"So what movie do you want to watch?", he asks.

 

 

Jisung hesitates for a bit before saying: "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."  
Jeno's never heard of it, but rents it nonetheless. He regrets it exactly one minute in.

 

He sneaks a glance at Jisung, who's smiling broadly. He must really like the movie, then. Which means Jeno is going to behave and keep his mouth shut and not shit on this movie about talking chihuahuas.

 

He's never been this bored, though. After grabbing snacks and putting a blanket over the both of them he’s done just about everything that’s appropriate to do during a movie. By lack of anything better to do he finishes his beer can in ten minutes.

 

  
He gets another one immediately, figuring being at least a little tipsy might make the movie more bearable.

 

After his fourth beer he comes to the conclusion that it absolutely does.

  
"Okay, but I'm so glad Chloe and Papi had their first date", he slurs to an amused Jisung.  
"They're dogs, hyung."

 

Jeno ignores him.

 

 

"It's like they always say, y'know. 50% warrior. 50% lover. 100% chihuahua."

  
He slumps in his seat and stares up at Jisung with a grin. "Thanks for showing me that movie, Jisung. It helped a lot."  
"With what?", Jisung asks, semi-casual.

 

"Jaemin", Jeno mutters immediately and when he looks back at Jisung even he can't miss the victorious grin on his face.

 

He gasps indignantly. "You did that on purpose!"

  
"What?", Jisung asks sweetly.

 

"You put on a bad movie no one can possibly enjoy without requiring alcohol just to get me drunk and talking", Jeno says and as he’s saying it he's actually kind of impressed. It might just be the alcohol though.

  
"Do you have proof?", Jisung questions and when Jeno shakes his head he nods. "Didn't think so."

 

Jeno blinks and stares at his hands. Jisung can be one scary motherfucker.

"Don't you want to talk about what's going on with Jaemin, hyung?", Jisung asks, grabbing one of his hands and squeezing. Jeno instantly feels himself softening. "I don't like seeing you so upset."

 

And of course Jisung has to go and say that. _Of course._

  
He feels the little resolve he did have breaking and everything comes pouring out. Jisung listens, his face impassive, nodding along when Jeno goes on a rant. Squeezing his hand when his voice cracks.

 

"And then today he's suddenly all dressed up and saying he's going on a _date_ with one of the hot girls he made out with and he's acting as if I'm just some rando he kissed at that party. As if I didn’t make him-“, he falls quiet. Even in his drunken haze he recognises that saying that Jaemin came in his pants is going too far. Jaemin was awkward with him for weeks over it. He doesn’t even want to imagine his reaction when he finds out that Jeno went and told one of their friends. Especially Jisung.

 

“Nevermind”, he mutters as he catches Jisung’s questioning gaze. “It just sucks, you know. It just…”, he sighs. “It fucking sucks.”

 

Now that he’s got it all out of his system he suddenly feels exhausted. He leans back and closes his eyes.

 

“I’m glad you told me, hyung”, Jisung says and Jeno snorts.

 

“It’s not like you gave me much of a choice”, he mutters and Jisung laughs at that.

 

 

“Yeah, I guess not…” It’s quiet for a while, but then Jisung joins him and bumps his arm against him. Jeno opens his eyes and is about to tell him to be careful, but then he notices the look on Jisung’s face.

“I think you should tell him how you feel”, Jisung says and Jeno can’t help it. He lets out a disbelieving laugh.

 

 

“I’m sorry, Jisung, but did you hear anything I just told you. He just went out with a girl, clearly he’s not interested in me”, he says with a small headshake.

“I still think you should tell him, you might be surprised”, Jisung, the stubborn brat, insists.

 

Jeno sighs and ruffles Jisung’s hair. “Look, I know you want me and Jaemin to be happy, but telling him isn’t going to change anything. It’s not”, he insist when Jisung opens his mouth to protest. “If anything, it’ll just make us more awkward. After we kissed, he could hardly stand to be in the same room as me. He’ll probably promptly move out if I tell him.”

 

He means it as a joke, but his stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought. He’d be lying if he said that thought hadn’t crossed his mind.

“That’s bullshit and you know it”, Jisung bites out. “Hyung, Jaemin loves you just as much as you love him, okay? You know it, I know it, Chenle knows it, Mark-hyung knows it…hell, everyone who’s ever been near you two knows it at this point.”

 

 

Jeno stiffened at the mention of the ‘l’-word and the small voice at the back of his head that always mocked him when he tried to make himself belief it wasn’t a crush is finally silent.

He puts his arms around Jisung and pulls him closer to his side. “Let’s sleep.”

 

“On the couch?”, Jisung asks incredulously.

 

Jeno hums and snuggles closer to his younger friend.

 

 

“Fine, but if my neck hurts tomorrow you’d better give me a massage”, Jisung says as he puts his head on Jeno’s shoulder.

“Your neck is not gonna hurt tomorrow”, Jeno says and if his eyes had still been open he’d have rolled his eyes.

 

“We’ll see.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When he wakes up it’s to the smell of toast and eggs. He stirs and sits up and pouts, because his head hurts. Goddamn Jisung.

 

“Look who’s up!”, a loud voice booms and Jeno startles and turns his head to look at the kitchen. Immediately he groans and grabs his stiff neck, rubbing it as he goes to join Jisung and Jaemin in the kitchen.

 

 _“’Oh, your neck is not gonna hurt tomorrow, Jisung. Don’t worry’”_ , Jisung says in an obvious and very poor imitation of Jeno. “Guess who was fucking _wrong._ ”

 

“Yeah yeah”, Jeno snaps as he goes to sit next to Jisung. “How late is it?”

 

“Nine-ish. You want eggs?”, Jaemin asks and when Jeno nods sourly he pours some scrambled eggs onto the plate in front of him. “You guys were so cute when I came home, though. All cuddled up together. I actually thought I was dreaming for a second. Jisung actually cuddling someone. Whatever brought that on?”

 

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”, Jeno snaps, because he really doesn’t need Jaemin’s chipper attitude right now. An uncomfortable silence falls over them and Jeno catches Jisung’s confused gaze. He slumps in his chair and quietly puts some eggs in his mouth.

 

 

“Okay, clearly someone’s in a bit of a mood”, Jaemin says carefully.“Jisung, can you maybe tell me?”

 

 

For a second Jeno’s irrationally afraid that Jisung’s actually gonna tell Jaemin what happened the night before, since he’s so convinced that they should face their feelings. Jisung, to his credit, doesn’t actually do that, instead he tells Jaemin that it isn’t any of his business in that angry but cute way of his.

 

 

Jaemin obviously falls for it and immediately starts cooing at him and trying to pinch his cheeks as Jisung swats at his hands. Jeno dares sneak a glance at Jaemin and notices the bags under his eyes. He must’ve been up late. Jeno’s glad he was out having a good time whilst he was having an emotional breakdown. He stabs his fork in the eggs and aggressively shoves another bite in his mouth as Jisung screeches next to him.

 

If he tries hard enough he might make himself believe he doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the last!! i still want to refine it a lil bit, so pls bear with me :')


	4. Chapter 4

When Jeno lets Jisung out a little later the younger gives him a knowing look and Jeno smiles sweetly before slamming the door in his face. He turns back around and finds Jaemin staring at him, there’s a look on his face Jeno doesn’t recognize. He books it to his room.

 

“Maybe a thank you would be ni-“, Jeno slams the door, effectively cutting Jaemin off. He cringes as the bang echoes in his head. He lays down in his bed and stares up at his ceiling and wonders what the hell he’s supposed to do now. He loves Jaemin. Actually loves him.

 

He doesn’t get to wonder for long, because Jaemin bursts in exactly half a minute later.

 

“What is wrong with you?”, he asks brusquely.

“Oh my god, leave me alone”, Jeno moans as he glares at the boy he’s _apparently_ in love with. “My head hurts.”

“I’d think so after drinking so much”, Jaemin says with no trace of pity in his voice.

 

Jeno ignores him and hopes he’ll leave him alone. His head actually hurts and he’s only just now processing everything Jisung said to him the day before.

 

 

Jaemin stays, of course. “Jeno, what’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing”, he lies and Jaemin’s face falls.

 

“Jeno…”, Jaemin says as he sits down next to him and Jeno wants nothing more than to bury his head into Jaemin’s stomach and let him comfort him.  
He stays where he is and throws his arm over his eyes instead.

 

“Please talk to me. Things haven’t been…y’know, they haven’t been the same between us after-“, he falls silent and Jeno peeks at him from under his arm. Jaemin looks torn, before eventually settling on. “After our _talk_.”

 

  
Jeno swallows and his throat feels like leather.  
I just…”, he lets out a frustrated sigh, clearly annoyed at himself for not finding the right words for the second time in under a minute. “I just want to fix it.”

 

“Why? You seem to be doing all right”, Jeno says dully.

“What makes you say that?”, his best friends asks.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you just went out on a date with one of the many insignificant people you kissed on that party?”, Jeno says nastily.

“Jeno, don’t say-“, Jaemin starts and Jeno ignores him, sitting up and taking his hand away from his face. Jaemin’s face is strangely tense.

 

  
“Maybe the fact that you skipped movie night just so you could go and fuck her”, he snaps.

It’s quiet for a long while, they just look at each other. Jaemin’s never been good at hiding his emotions, but for once Jeno can’t read anything as he looks into his best friend’s eyes. He’s about to demand for Jaemin to answer, but then Jaemin snorts. It’s an ugly and unnatural sound. “That’s what this is about? Me skipping movie night?”

 

 

It takes a while for Jaemin’s words to truly sink in. When they do Jeno’s speechless. He can’t fucking believe this. He’s never been quite this frustrated with Jaemin before and he’s been frustrated by him a lot. Little things like Jaemin using his toner and then lying about it or Jaemin saying he’ll do the dishes and then leaving them because ‘ _I’ll do them tomorrow, I’m tired, God, Jeno’._

 

But this is one a whole other level. Jaemin knows damn well what this is about and yet he’s going out of his way to make Jeno feel dumb- Fuck being a frustrated crier, he thinks as tears fill his eyes. The forced grin abruptly disappears from Jaemin’s face.

 

“Ah fuck, Jeno", his hands hover awkwardly in between them, as if he's uncertain if he's allowed to touch him. "I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

 

When Jeno talks again it comes out sounding nearly hysterical. “Right, of course you didn’t. You know what, Jaem? I think you should go, you’re not fixing shit like this.”

 

 

“Jeno, please. I-“, he effectively reaches out for Jeno and Jeno’s never felt less like being comforted by Jaemin. He feels like he might actually die if Jaemin hugs him now. In fact, he might just die anyway from all factors adding up that make this morning so incredibly horrible.  
He abruptly lies down, avoiding his best friend’s hand. He almost misses the wounded look on Jaemin’s face as he closes his eyes in pain as his heart bonks in his eyes. Somehow hearing it so clearly helps him calm down a little.

 

He opens his eyes and after blinking the last of his tears away he sees that Jaemin’s standing in the doorway looking down at him with a pensive look on his face that somehow does not sit right with Jeno.

 

“At least you got rid of your boner the proper way this time”, he snides and Jaemin’s face closes off. He throws the door closed.

 

* * *

 

 

Jeno doesn’t leave his room until he hears Jaemin’s enter his room that evening. He all but runs out to pee. He also left his phone outside so when he unlocks it he sees the string of texts Jisung sent him over the day.

 

 **Sungie [15:12]**  
have you talked to him yet?

  
**Sungie [16:22]**  
the sooner the better

  
 **Sungie [16:23]**  
you know i’m right

  
 **Sungie [17:11]**  
at this point I guess you’re either ignoring me

  
**sungie [17:11]**  
doing god knows what with Jaemin

  
**sungie [17:12]**  
or you have tragically passed away

  
**sungie [18:21]**  
rip jeno

  
**sungie [18:22]**  
lmao

 

 

That last one was send just a couple of minutes before. For a second he considers changing ‘sungie’ to ‘devil child’ but his need to tell Jisung off transcends all barriers.

 

  
 **jeno [18:30]**  
I am very much still alive

  
**jeno [18:31]**  
and I didn’t answer bc me and jaem fought

 

 

 **sungie [18:31]**  
did you tell him?

 

 

 **jeno [18:31]**  
no?? lmaoo

 

 **sungie [18:31]**  
you should

  
**sungie [18:31]**  
you know the reason you guys are so on edge with each other is bc you’re both in denial

  
**sungie [18:32]**  
so tell him

 

 

He stares at the text, the words seem to be mocking him. He hears the door to Jaemin’s room creak open and turns around.

 

  
“I’m just going to the bathroom”, his best friend says quickly when he catches Jeno poking his head out over the couch.

“Jaemin”, Jeno says quietly and Jaemin stills with his hand on the doorknob to the bathroom. His eyes are big and nervous and fuck, Jeno loves him so much and he hates that they’re like this. His mouth moves before he can properly think it through. “I like you. That’s why I was so mad at you for going on that date.”

 

Jaemin’s hand drops from the handle, Jeno sees it because his gaze was fixed on that hand. “I figured…well, I guess Jisung figured, really”, Jeno lets out a breathless laugh. He feels light-headed. He’s really gone and done it. No way back now. For some reason all he can think about is the unlikely scenario that Jaemin is going to go to his room, pack his bags and walk out. “He figured I should tell you and I suppose that’s fair.”

 

Jaemin starts staggering towards him and Jeno turns around, staring at the tv. For some reason this scene is awfully familiar. Only Jaemin is coming towards him now instead of leaving. Jeno doesn’t know which was worse. His heart is beating in his throat. “Of course it’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way. Really, it is. I know you said I was just one of the people you happened to kiss that night. But we are best friends and if you give me time to…y’know, get over you-“

 

Jeno stops talking when Jaemin kneels in front on him, grabbing his hands. He feels strangely like a child being comforted. Jaemin's eyes are soft and bright.

 

"You know why I went on that stupid date?", Jaemin asks.

 

 

Jeno shakes his head, lips pressed tightly together.

 

  
"Because you weren't just one of the people I kissed on that party. You're my best friend and yet I'd never wanted to kiss someone as much as I did you in that moment. All I could think about when I saw you after that night is how beautiful you were and how much I wanted to kiss you again.” Jeno's eyes widen as he takes in the sincerity in Jaemin's gaze. "I thought...when Chenle and Jisung came I heard what you guys were saying and…and you seemed so uncomfortable, so I thought you'd figured it all out. And that you didn’t like it at all."

 

 

  
Jeno thinks back on that conversation and curses himself. He tightens his grip on Jaemin's hands.

 

  
"You weren't making me uncomfortable", he reassures softly. "You could never."

 

Jaemin's eyes are warm and he leans forward to put his forehead against Jeno's. Jeno swallows thickly. It's the closest they've been since their talk.

  
"I went on that date just to make you believe that I wasn't in love with you, but then your reaction made me feel so shitty. I watched that movie with her, then we said goodbye, because I guess she didn’t want to spend time with me when I was in such a foul mood”, Jaemin laughs. “I literally went to a coffeeshop and waited there just because I couldn’t bear to see you look at me that way again."  
Jeno lets out a breathy sigh. Call him self-centered, but knowing that he was the priority to Jaemin makes him incredibly relieved.

 

"And here I was scared you were going to move out once I told you how I felt", Jeno laughs softly.

 

  
Jaemin leans away just to give him an incredulous look.

"Are you insane?"

Jeno's so happy he can't even bring up the energy to glare at Jaemin for that one. Instead he laughs. "Hey!"

 

 

Jaemin shakes his head. "You are literally insane."

 

 

"Jaemin", Jeno giggles and he's surprised when Jaemin tackles him into a hug, throwing him onto the couch.

 

  
Before he can say anything Jaemin starts peppering his face with kisses, pausing just to yell in Jeno's face. "All this time this is all I've wanted to do...and...you thought…I was going to move out if I...found out? Jeno, you…absolute… _fool"_

 

  
He strengthens his point with more soundly kisses. Jeno is laughing so hard he's nearly crying.

 

  
"A slight miscalculation on my part", he eventually manages to giggle. That earns him more kisses.

 

 

Then they're suddenly nose to nose and despite having kissed nearly every available inch of his face Jaemin's stayed clear of his lips.

  
"You want to do some nsfw-stuff, Jeno?", Jaemin asks and Jeno answers by throwing his arms around Jaemin’s neck and pulling him down so their lips meet.

 

 

The way he's been wanting to ever since their first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> they are both raging bisexuals in this, they just didn't know it yet ;) also, this is my first time having so much nsfw talk in a fic, so i hope it's like...okay??
> 
> pls do let me know what you thought of it!!
> 
> [ my tumblr](http://chimchimerie.tumblr.com).


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